Topical Tens: 19 March: Tommy Cooper Jokes

Saturday 18 March 2017

British comedian Tommy Cooper was born on this date in 1921. To celebrate what would have been his birthday here are ten of his jokes.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
I said: “How long will my spaghetti be?” The waiter said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”
I sleep like a baby. Every morning I wake up screaming around 2 o’clock.
This officer stopped me and said: “Why are you driving with a bucket of water on the passenger’s seat?” I said: “So that I can dip my headlights.”
I took saxophone lessons for six months. Until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?
Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that of we didn’t have electricity we’d be watching television by candle light?
Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!