17th September: Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner, the US Comedian is 60 today. Here are 10 of her one-liners:

1. I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
2. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
3. Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
4. The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
5. One of my friends told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
6. Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
7. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
8. We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
9. The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
10. I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.